Sad news my dear friends: GULAg has been cancelled by the network. We are all grieving here at GULAg Production but good things end and even though it was a great show filled with corpses, nervous breakdowns, heavy snow, lack of heating, miserable looking extras and remarkable characters such as the drunken flatmate that screams in the middle of the night and listens to German Heavy Metal at two in the morning; we have to say goodbye.
Our main character however is very pleased to announce that he has quit his job and he is now moving to Madrid, Spain.
Standing on the rooftop ledge in nothing more than my underwear, the wind freezing my bones to their very core and the snow forming a second skin on my bare flesh; I looked up at the Heavens and screamed at the Gods. Hanging by its headphones, my MP3 player was blasting out the Dreamgirls: “It’s hard to say goodbye my love. It’s hard to see you cry my love…”
Tears couldn’t run their course as they instantly froze on my cheeks. I had been defeated much like Napoleon had before me. No “Veni, Vidi, Vici” for me which was more than Napoleon had accomplished; at least I got a Veni and a Vidi.
It was the end. I would end up as a corpse on the streets of Moscow like so many before me.
I suddenly remembered all my friends spread across the globe. I saw their faces as though they were there by my side. I saw them smiling at me, a warm and glowing smile that made me feel better. All hope was not lost. I could see SJ’s sparkling eyes, the 3 remaining J’s flying to my rescue, Mike cat-walking toward me, Paul taking his shirt off, Padraig handing me a beer, Erynn going for my elbow, Patti and Emma shouting “T-TOW”, Liz dancing to the rhythm of “Rage against the machine”, Ross handing me something illegal to smoke, Dan making fun of me, Bice’s inspiration, Gavin scavenging, Nina kicking her leg in the air, Kyle and Rob throwing water balloons, Lea’s Koala, Andrew’s tie, Angela’s cheerfulness, Brandon, Greg and Jeff striping, Dave’s DJ-ing, Diana’s excitement in a stationary shop, Sabrina and her sunglasses at DTPM, Matt’s shaved chest, The Funky Munky, Billy giving me a pet talk, Monsieur Choux Fleur doing his thing, Cat telling it to me straight, Ben on a lion, Dominic’s Halloween costume, and I could also feel Kacie’s hugs and Maire’s warmth and so many others came rushing in, too many to mention… So many happy memories… so many I would never forget, so many I hoped to see again…
i would not jump, not today, not ever…I would simply quit and so I did.
Moscow had defeated me and so what? Who would want to live in a land where smiling was banned, where you were not allowed to love who you wanted, where they cannot form a simple queue, where fighting is part of your daily routine, where grandmothers scare everyone, where you can not leave your house without at least 3 jumpers and 2 coats, where you’re constantly jammed pack against one another, where … I could go on forever…
So I quit. A dear friend of mine always says that failure is not an option. Well, sorry to disappoint but right now it is failure or the sidewalk eleven floors below. I choose failure.
ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS – EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE – ARE ENTIRELY TRUE
THE AUTHOR WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT NO ONE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD TRY TO LIVE IN RUSSIA
Written November 26th, 2007