The Best song shame-it’s-never-gonna-win Award goes to Bonnie Tyler representing the UK. Of course, I’m not talking about the song she will actually be performing on the night but of the all time classic: Total Eclipse of the Heart (which featured in the Fairy Tales two Parter: Romance is dead) – So I won’t make you suffer through her “Believe in me” disaster, instead enjoy her in her heydays!
The One Night Stand Award is – and it’s a first – combined with the Bow Ties Are Cool Award and they both go to… Drum rolls… Jeremy! Jeremy is not actually a singer in the competition but a fictitious character in the video clip for Malta’s entry this year. I so wish he would pick up a book I dropped and run after me “sigh”
After Having won last’s year Most Accurate Representation Of Their Country Award with their babushkas baking, Russia gets the Most INaccurate Award for 2013 with Dina Garipova’s What If. Who do you think they are fooling? A Russia theater filled with a wide range of ethnicities and different sexual preferences and they don’t get beat up by the police? I’m not buying it. I lived there, I know better. They wouldn’t get on. They would be shot. If you don’t believe me, relive the entire GULAg saga, right here: GULAG – Before Fairy Tales, the Russian Era – The adventure starts here…
The When -is-someone-gonna-look-at-a-map- and- realise-Israel- is-not-in-Europe! Award goes to Moran Mazor representing Israel yet again and I promise they’ll get that award every year…. (Sorry, I’m a suker for accuracy. Let’s change the contest name then and call it Whomeverwannajoinvision) And how dare they mimick Adele?
The Best Video Clip Award goes to France (Let’s face it, the only reason I’m doing this is out of a misplaced sense of patriotism!)
The They’re-not-even-trying Award goes to Bye Alex for Hungary … (Please feel free to not waste the 3 very valuable minutes of your life watching it, You deserve better!)
The I’m-not-gay-how-many-times-do-I-have-to-tell-you Award goes to Cezar for Romania. I’m not sure whether or not to rename the Award to I Pretend I’m The Phantom Of The Opera When I Go Into Backrooms Award. What do you think?
The I-know-I-shouldn’t-but-I-love-it Award goes to Koza Mostra for Greece – let’s pray they don’t win, they can’t afford it…
EXTRA BONUS AWARD: The Jail-bait Award goes to Roberto Bellarosa for Belgium
MAY THE CHEESIEST ONE WIN!
The year’s edition could also be known as the moustache year.
P.S 2: Sadly, this will be the last ever Eurovision Awards from the team behind Fairy Tales as Fairy Tales is soon to come to an end 🙁 (You heard it here first)